How to Help a Family Member Leave WMSCOG - Evidence-Based Guide for Families

Evidence-based strategies for family members who want to help their loved ones leave the World Mission Society Church of God. Built from ex-member experiences and cult intervention research. Learn what works, what doesn't, and how to maintain your relationship while promoting critical thinking.

If someone you love is in WMSCOG, you're likely feeling helpless, frustrated, or scared. This guide is built from the experiences of ex-members and research on high-control group intervention. It won't guarantee your loved one will leave, but it will give you the best chance of being there when they're ready.

The Hard Truth First

You cannot argue someone out of a cult. Logic, evidence, and confrontation will almost always backfire. WMSCOG teaches members that:

  • Persecution and opposition validate their beliefs ("the world hates the truth")
  • Questions from outsiders are Satan's influence
  • Family members who don't join are spiritually blind
  • Any doubt is a test of faith to overcome

Your loved one has been trained to see your concern as an attack through systematic thought control and information manipulation. The more you push, the deeper they retreat.

What Actually Works

Based on research studies, expert guidance from cult intervention specialists, and testimonials from ex-WMSCOG members, here's what helps people leave:

1. Maintain the Relationship Above All Else

This is the single most important thing you can do. When members leave, they lose their entire social network. If you've cut them off or made the relationship conditional on leaving, you've eliminated their primary escape route.

A 2017 study of 31 former cult members found that "familial support to maintain a link with the member is an important protective factor for leaving" and that "the intervention of an outsider is a protective factor for leaving the group."

What ex-members said:

  • "My family stayed present even when I was cold and defensive. When I was ready to leave, they were still there."
  • "I stayed longer because I was afraid of losing everyone. Once I knew I had people outside, leaving became possible."

Practical steps:

  • Continue invitations to family events, even if they decline
  • Send casual texts and check-ins (not about the church)
  • Celebrate birthdays and holidays together when possible
  • Show interest in their life outside of church activities
  • Never make the relationship conditional: "I love you regardless of your beliefs"

2. Understand Why They're Really There

Most members aren't staying because of doctrine. They're staying because of:

  • Fear: Hell, disasters, spiritual failure, betraying "Mother" (learn more about phobia indoctrination)
  • Community: WMSCOG is their entire social world. Research shows that fear of losing one's social network is a primary barrier to leaving, often more powerful than doctrinal beliefs.
  • Identity: Being a member gives them purpose and belonging. Former members describe asking "who am I without this group?"
  • Sunk cost: "I've given so much, it has to be true" (see common hindrances to leaving)
  • Emotional needs: Love-bombing, sense of importance, structured life

Before they joined, what were they seeking? Connection? Purpose? Spiritual fulfillment? Understanding their underlying needs helps you provide alternatives.

Ask yourself:

  • What was happening in their life when they joined?
  • What emotional needs does WMSCOG fulfill for them?
  • Do they have hobbies, interests, or friendships outside the church?

3. Use Questions, Not Arguments

Ex-members repeatedly said that their own realizations led them out—not being told they were wrong. Your job isn't to convince them, it's to help them think critically.

Steven Hassan's Strategic Interaction Approach emphasizes: "Don't 'tell' them anything. Help them to make discoveries on their own." Research on exit counseling shows that questioning is far more effective than arguing, as confrontation triggers defensive responses that reinforce cult programming.

Good questions (from ex-members who left):

About behavior and manipulation:

  • "I noticed you haven't seen [old friend] in a while. Do you miss them?"
  • "How do you feel after those long study sessions? Energized or exhausted?"
  • "What would happen if you took a break from church for a month?"

About inconsistencies (only if they bring up doubts):

  • "If this is the only true church, why do they tell new people not to search for it online?"
  • "You mentioned the prophet's teaching changed. How do you know today's version is the final truth?"
  • "If another group did the same things WMSCOG does but with a different leader, would you trust it?"

Avoid:

  • "Why don't you just leave?" (Accusatory)
  • "You're brainwashed!" (Shuts down conversation)
  • "The Bible clearly says..." (They have answers for every verse)
  • "I found this article proving they're wrong" (Triggers persecution complex)

4. Watch for Cracks and Be Ready

Ex-members described moments when doubt crept in:

Common turning points:

  • Doctrinal inconsistencies: Realizing prophecies don't add up, historical claims are false, or teachings contradict
  • Manipulative pressure: Being rebuked harshly, shamed publicly, or pressured to cut off family (signs of the BITE Model of control)
  • Behavioral hypocrisy: Leaders acting contrary to teachings (sexism, judgmentalism, elitism)
  • Exhaustion and burnout: Constant studying, preaching, tithing with no personal time
  • Life events: Moving away from a church location, getting distance from the group

What to do when they express doubt:

❌ Don't say: "I told you so!" or "See, I was right!" ✅ Do say: "That must be confusing. How are you feeling about it?"

❌ Don't do: Flood them with anti-WMSCOG materials ✅ Do: Listen without judgment. Let them talk through it themselves.

❌ Don't do: Push them to leave immediately ✅ Do: Reassure them you'll support whatever they decide, and you'll be there either way.

5. Plant Seeds Indirectly

Direct confrontation triggers defensiveness. Indirect exposure to critical thinking works better.

Strategies that have worked:

  • Watch documentaries about other high-control groups together (NOT about WMSCOG):

    • "I watched this documentary about Scientology. It's wild how they control people."
    • Let them make the connections themselves

  • Share stories from other ex-cult members (from different groups):

    • "I read this Reddit post from someone who left a church. It reminded me of some things you've mentioned."

  • Reconnect them with old hobbies and interests:

    • "Remember how much you loved [hobby]? Want to try it again this weekend?"
    • Help them rebuild an identity outside the church

  • Normalize doubt and questioning:

    • "I've been reading about how every generation thinks they're in the end times. It's interesting how humans always think their era is special."

6. Understand the WMSCOG Playbook

Members are trained to:

  • Report conversations back to leaders, even confidential ones
  • Use "wisdom of hiding" (deception is justified to protect the church)
  • Love-bomb and recruit you instead of engaging honestly
  • See you as spiritually inferior (they pity you)

Protect yourself:

  • Don't share information you don't want reported (living situation, job details, vulnerabilities)
  • Politely decline invitations to services or Bible studies
  • Don't debate doctrine—it's a trap to recruit you or prove you wrong

7. Avoid These Common Mistakes

❌ Hiring deprogrammers or interventionists Forced intervention often backfires and damages trust. Research shows forced deprogramming "frequently failed completely and often caused significant harm," with natural attrition rates actually higher than those achieved by coercive interventions. Modern research favors relationship-based approaches.

❌ Cutting them off financially or emotionally This confirms WMSCOG's narrative that "the world will persecute you" and eliminates their exit path.

❌ Attacking "Mother" or Ahnsahnghong directly This triggers deep emotional loyalty and shuts down rational discussion.

❌ Giving up or distancing yourself Your presence is their lifeline. Stay consistent even when it's hard.

What Ex-WMSCOG Members Actually Say

We've compiled testimonials from former WMSCOG members who shared their experiences in online communities, books, podcasts, and interviews. Here are the most important insights:

1. On Maintaining Relationships (The #1 Priority)

"Let them know you will be there for them regardless and mean it. It is very important for them to realize many things on their own, and not to get bombarded with 'I told you so' when they begin to open up."

— Ex-member, 10+ years in WMSCOG

Why this matters: Research shows that "familial support to maintain a link with the member is an important protective factor for leaving."

2. Why Arguing Backfires

"Confrontation with logic never works. Any sign of disagreement triggers getting their guard up... They can never be told what to think no matter how logical. Any realization has to be their own realization."

— Ex-member

The reality: The more you push, the more they retreat. WMSCOG teaches members that "satan will use those closest to you to try to stop you from coming to the truth."

3. Fear After Leaving is Real

"I hear a lot of ex-members talk about the time after they left, how they were afraid every time they drove. Like they might be in a deadly accident due to the fear mongering. When I left I was so over the BS that I didn't have that, but I was afraid of anything happening negative whatsoever only because they would be like, 'you see what happens when you leave.' Even if it was catching the flu or breaking a bone."

— Ex-member describing post-exit fear

Why this matters: Understanding phobia indoctrination helps you support them compassionately during and after exit.

4. Social Network Loss is the Biggest Barrier

"After leaving, it is not easy at the beginning, since you had been there for such a long time, almost all your friends and people who are close to you are from the church, leaving church means you have lost that entire social network."

— Ex-member describing why it's hard to leave

Your role: Being their connection to the outside world gives them a safe place to land.

5. Long-Term Members DO Leave

"What started out like a dream come true gradually turned into a nightmare... I was stripped of my time, freedom and individuality."

— Shakira Thomas, 14 years in WMSCOG (joined at age 14, left at 28)

Hope: Even deeply committed members eventually leave. Shakira joined at 14 and left at 28. Patience matters.

Want to read more testimonials? We've compiled a comprehensive collection of ex-member testimonials with dozens of quotes about what helped them leave, what barriers they faced, and advice for families.

When Doubt Turns Into Action

If your loved one expresses wanting to leave, be their safe landing:

Immediate support:

  • "I'm proud of you. This takes courage."
  • "I'm here for you, no matter what happens next."
  • "What do you need from me right now?"

Practical help:

  • Offer a place to stay if they need distance from WMSCOG members
  • Help them reconnect with old friends
  • Support them financially if they've been tithing heavily
  • Connect them with therapy specializing in religious trauma

What to expect:

  • They may experience intense guilt, fear, and grief (common after leaving a high-control group)
  • They may second-guess their decision multiple times
  • They may go through an identity crisis (their whole life was WMSCOG)
  • They may need months or years to fully process and heal

The Bottom Line

You can't force them out. You can only be there when they're ready.

The most powerful thing you can do is:

  1. Maintain a loving, non-judgmental relationship
  2. Ask gentle questions that promote critical thinking
  3. Provide a safe place to land when doubt becomes unbearable
  4. Be patient—leaving can take months or years

Many ex-members say it wasn't one conversation or piece of evidence that freed them. It was a combination of growing disillusionment, feeling safe to doubt, and knowing someone loved them unconditionally outside the group.

Your consistency, patience, and unconditional love are the most powerful tools you have.

Additional Resources

Ex-Member Testimonials:

Ex-Member Communities for Family Members:

Books on Helping Loved Ones in Cults:

  • Combating Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan
  • The Cult of Trump by Steven Hassan (demonstrates techniques with modern examples)
  • Escaping Utopia: Growing Up in a Cult, Getting Out, and Starting Over by Janja Lalich

Professional Support:

  • Seek therapists specializing in cult intervention or religious trauma
  • Join family support groups for those with loved ones in high-control groups

Related Resources

For Current Members:

For Families:

If you're the one in WMSCOG reading this: Your family loves you. Their concern isn't persecution—it's love. If you're having doubts, that's not Satan. That's your mind protecting you. Start with these reflective questions or see our exit guide when you're ready.

Research Sources

This guide synthesizes evidence from multiple sources:

Academic Research

  1. Rousselet, M., et al. (2017). "Cult membership: What factors contribute to joining or leaving?" Psychiatry Research. Study of 31 former cult members identifying familial support as a critical protective factor for leaving.

  2. Ståhl, T., et al. (2023). "Being in-between; exploring former cult members' experiences of an acculturation process." Frontiers in Psychiatry. Qualitative study using interviews with former cult members about recovery.

  3. "Deprogramming." Research compilation showing forced interventions "frequently failed completely and often caused significant harm."

Cult Intervention Experts

  1. Hassan, Steven. (2021). "The Definitive Guide to Helping People Trapped in a Cult." Psychology Today. Expert guidance on the Strategic Interaction Approach.

  2. Hassan, Steven. (2023). "Beyond Cult Deprogramming." Psychology Today. Modern alternatives to coercive intervention.

  3. International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA). "Exit Intervention: A New Approach to Saving Family Members From Destructive Groups." Evidence-based family consultation approach.

Ex-Member Communities

  1. r/WMSCOG Reddit community discussions with former members sharing experiences about what helped them leave and advice for families.

  2. r/Shincheonji Reddit community guide on helping loved ones leave high-control groups, with overlapping strategies applicable to WMSCOG.

Additional Research

  1. "Cults and Mental Health: Why People Join, and How They Heal." Road to Therapy, 2025. Research showing over 60% of former members experience lasting emotional distress.

  2. "Cult Indoctrination: Examining the Manipulative Techniques." Analysis of isolation tactics and persecution complex indoctrination.

Need Support? Email research@highcontrolgroups.com